cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
