Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
