if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
