Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
