Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
