pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
