so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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