I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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