Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
