Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
