Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
