Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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