so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
