My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just google imaged poop.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
