Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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