A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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