Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
