we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
