i need an iv and a liver transplant
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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