If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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