If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
