My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
