Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
