the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
