I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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