Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Too much gin, very little bucket
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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