I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Sorry about my life...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
