I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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