the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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