let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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