He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
