Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
How naked do you want me to be?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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