He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
