i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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