I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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