if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
