It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
