So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize