It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
