i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My vagina is very pro this idea
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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