Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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