You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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