i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And then he peed in my hair
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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