just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Buhtt sex?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
