i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
