this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
