I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
