Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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