I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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