My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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