it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
