i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
