When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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