i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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