I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
