You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
