i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
