Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
