how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
