His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
