R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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