the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
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You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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