I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.