I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
