ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located